An Open Letter To My Husband About Motherhood

Motherhood is a never ending saga of ups and downs. Like for example, the day my three year old spit on the librarian and I had to drag him and our four month old out, in a double stroller, kicking and screaming the whole way. Our frustrations have a tendency to build up and crumble upon us at the slightest misfortune and render us tapped out, leaving dad in charge, if only for a while. It is the uncertain compilation of events that unfold in the duration of a day's time that can lead us as mothers to succumb to the notion that maybe our title would be better filled by our spouse. This open letter, addressed to my husband, is a reminder for us both (and mother and fathers everywhere) that motherhood isn't up for grabs.


Dear Husband,

You think that there is little to no difference between being a mother and a father but there is. It's wide and vast. Thank you for trying to understand what it’s like for me to be a mother, but kindly stop imagining what life looks and feels like in my shoes, attempting to empathize with me or tell me you know what it’s like - you never will. I don’t mean this in a cutting way and although I know you are a good man, you simply aren’t good enough to be the mother of our children.

You think that because we are both parents we should respond the same way and parenting should be equally as easy and equally as difficult. We share many of the same responsibilities and obligations but the polarity of the details of [these things] are incredible. See, being a mother has been set aside purposefully for one person and that one person is me. I am uniquely qualified to fill this role and if you’re trying to take on my position, I kindly want you to know you’ll never be promoted.  

I'm thankful you believe being a father is easy. I think that is truly great. Your patience and love is virtuous and consistent with both our children. But, sometimes, the role of a mother for me is difficult and on most days, daunting. I get angry. I yell. I make a lot of threats and sometimes I am ashamed of my decisions and actions. I don't need to be reminded that I'm not doing a perfect job or be told life should be easy when I'm home with our children. And yes, maybe sometimes I am not fun or pleasant to be around and from time to time you would rather have me gone than around but I have a never ending obligation to be present for our children. I would rather live with the chaos of being a mother than the guilt of not being around to fulfill my selfish wants and needs. I acknowledge this pull because I am a mother. I fill in spaces you simply cannot. So, thank you for taking fatherhood in stride but please refrain from assuming that motherhood is something I take lightly.

In addition, the pressure and weight of parenting has an ugly way of folding itself over into our sacred marriage and it makes things messy. I love you. I want nothing more than to make you happy and be honorable to you as a wife. I’m sorry that the exhaustion of changing dirty diapers and folding piles of laundry sometimes comes between us.  I try to make everyone happy but quite honestly, some days I'm not even happy myself. Not because my life, our children and you are not enough but because I feel like I'm not enough for you all. I feel inadequate on a daily basis. Please do not subject me to your crass comments or harsh judgments because my tank is near empty. I AM trying. My best might not look pretty but it's all I've got and I'm giving it all I have. Sometimes more than what I have. I am a human who is incredibly imperfect, trying on a regular basis to live a perfect life, raise perfect children and have a perfect marriage.  I’m carrying a heavy load and if it weren’t for grace I would really be in the hole. So, thank you for consistently perusing my heart as a husband but please do not take offense if my attitude fails to mirror my unconditional love for you.  

Being a mother was never your job and you don’t have to take credit for my shortcomings. I know your efforts to understand are sincere but there is little I need you to do than to be a support for me in my times of weakness. Being a mother is intricate by design and I am humbled daily to serve in this extraordinary role, but I don’t need you to undermine it by trying to figure out the impossible. Many have come before me and many will follow. So, thank you for blessing me with the opportunity to help you parent this incredible family we have made together and fulfilling the precious role of a mother. Together, I am certain, we will manage the unmanageable - in both marriage and parenting - and I hope this is a small reminder of my love and dedication to you and our family.

 ***This publication is dedicated to my dear husband, Levi, who loves my every layer and to my mother, Barb, who has taught me through example about what it means to be a mother. To both, I love you. 

 

GREATER

Today I was scheduled to see patients in our office at 8, which means I have to be on the road no later than 7. I woke up at 7:05. Today marks the eighth straight day that someone in our home has been ill. Vomiting, diarrhea, snot, fever - the whole nine. I made a last minute, executive decision to shower in hopes of rinsing off some of the bodily fluids I had accumulated over the evening and the weight of my anguish to leave home two sick kids. I left the house with no makeup on and wet hair. This morning, in my delirium of sickness and heavy heartedness, I believe that I also left behind some of my desperation of being an overwhelmed mother.

If you're a mom, I know you're probably shaking your head out of empathy. You've been here before, right? You know what it's like to have sick children for days on end, to accidentally hit the alarm instead of snooze after a long night of comforting your family, to go into work looking like a zombie. I've been absorbing the comments of how tired I look all morning and wonder if any of my patients appreciate the struggle it was for me to find the time to brush my teeth, let alone take a shower. If you're a mom, being exhausted is like wearing a badge of honor, although most of us don't chose to do so voluntarily.

My morning commute to work is one hour. 60 minutes of time that is typically spent making calls, checking in with my front office or mentally scheduling out my day, week or month in advance. Today I spent over a quarter of it in tears. But maybe not in the way you would expect. No, I wasn't crying over the fact that my entire holiday vacation was ruined by a virus or that I feel like I've been locked in a bomb shelter for the past week. Nearly half of today’s morning commute was soaked in a renewed hope of being reminded that I am serving a greater purpose and an even greater God. Now, if you are a Christian you might already know where this is headed but if you don't know Jesus yet, I genuinely hope that you stick with me for just a bit longer because what I want to share with you can change your life.

Being a mom is HARD by design. I believe that's the way it was meant to be because most days we need a little divine intervention. We play a role that is uniquely intended for just one person, us, and when the going gets tough you better saddle up and lean on a greater entity. After all, doesn't it always seem that it gets just a little bit worse before it gets any better? When one kid gets sick, the rest of the ship goes down and you've been named Captain. Your child goes ballistic in the grocery store and you lose your marbles in front of half the community. A "routine" trip to Target turns into a manhunt for your two year old that ends up half way out the door into oncoming traffic. Remember that badge of exhaustion you're wearing? Well now you're also up for Worst Mom of the Year and a candidate for involuntary committal to the looney bin. Things can go from bad to worse in a quick hurry but here comes the good news.

This morning on my way to work I heard the song, Greater, by MercyMe on Christian radio and it reminded me of two things: I serve a God that is GREATER than my greatest problem and regardless of my shortcomings as a mother; I am covered by His grace. If this isn't the best news you've heard through your snot-filled, dirty-diapered, sleep deprived week, than I don't know what is!

Being a mother is difficult and I hope you are told and shown that you are appreciated every single day for your deeds. But the reality is there are voids, troubles and sorrows that are deep and wide and there are going to be days that not even your grade school girlfriend can talk you off the ledge. However, the trials that we face pale in comparison to the feat that the God who created you has already conquered. You think a diaper blowout in the middle of story time is daunting? Try overcoming the grave. Try whispering the entirety of the cosmos into existence. Try giving up your only Son as a sacrifice for all of mankind. Ladies, He has got this covered, I assure you. And if you're new to this whole Jesus idea let me give you a heads up. Being a believer in Christ does not mean you're perfect. It means you are broken. Flawed. Sinful. But I know that in His eyes, He sees you as Extraordinary, and he will bring you through even the toughest of times because His mercy is GREATER than any one of us will ever know. He yearns for us tired and wasted moms to lean on Him in times of need. When we are at the end of our rope, the knot that you tie and hang on to is God.

My encouragement to you today is three-fold. First, you’re doing great even if you think you’re not. Second, God has already laid a path for you that is one to prosper and to bring you great joy. And last but not least, His mercy and grace is GREATER than your greatest dilemma. I promise. Now, let’s buckle up together, mama, it’s time for round six of the pukes.  

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jerimiah 29:11

***Please check our MercyMe’s uplifting tune on Youtube at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXI0B4iMLuU

In Due Time, Not a Due Date

Yesterday, one of my patients shared with me this: “A bad attitude is like a flat tire. You can’t go anywhere until you change it.” I’ve been contemplating that quote over the past day and it has rendered a convicted perspective I have about a very common issue that I’ve been hearing about quite frequently - The Due Date. I wondered if there could be any validity to the notion that a more positive attitude can will us into a more safe and natural delivery? If so, what is the price of our patience when it comes to our babies being born?

I think it’s safe to say that one of the most anxious persons you will ever meet is a mother in her last weeks of pregnancy. I believe that a proportion of this anxiety is brought upon by practitioners placing a due date over a woman’s head, much like a sentence, with the implication that very bad things will happen unless the baby comes on or before that time. This forceful notion sets upon the mom an incredible amount of angst, which typically leads to negative feelings and attitudes towards the birth of their child and unfortunately contributes to the astronomical climb we’ve seen in women being induced and wrangled into unplanned and emergency cesarean sections.

Personally, I think due dates are a bogus attempt at shamelessly trying to convince women we are too stupid and ignorant to know when we are going to deliver our young.  Women are not microwaves. Pregnancy doesn’t come with a timer that dings or beeps when our babies have finished cooking. The onset of a healthy labor is an intrinsic and delicately balanced event that is based upon only a few major components of which the following are the most important: the baby being ready and the body being ready. Note that I did NOT list, “when your doctor thinks the baby is ready” or, “when the ultrasound says the baby is too big”. The price of our patience is weighty and here’s how science backs up the conundrum of The Due Date:

Conventionally, due dates have been based off of Naegele’s rule. His “rule” was set into motion sometime in the 19^th century by a German obstetrics text that utilized his concept of determining birth and has since carried over into current day practice. As a standard, this method of determining a due date for a mother is calculated by finding the date of her last menstrual period, subtracting three months and adding seven days. Sounds like the directions on the back of a prepackaged meal, right? Just add a little, subtract, cook a little longer and viola, baby is ready! What is perplexing about the standard utilization of this method is that is has statistically been shown to be incredibly inaccurate for properly predicting the actual due date in spontaneous labors.  In a study of 17,450 spontaneous singleton births published by Ultrasound in Obstetrics and Gynecology, the percent of women who delivered on the predicted date using Naegele’s rule was 4.1%. I’ve got better chances of meeting Michael Jackson, reincarnated, in the grocery checkout line, folks.

I’ve been hearing A LOT of women talk about how angry or frustrated they are when their due date has been moved by their provider. What irks me to no end is this: we’ve got a plethora of already-anxious pregnant women, panting and having conniptions from the sidelines about the birth of their child and to make matters worse, we add to the mix a provider who with all their infinite knowledge and technology, claims that they can predict when a woman will go into labor spontaneously. And to add to the mounting stress of the poor mother, when her due date comes and goes, everyone goes absolutely ballistic. Induction! Cesarean section! Get that baby out of the womb because it’s too damn big to fit through the opening God designed it to come through! We are messing up a process that is supposed to be a right and privilege and gets ruined or turned into a fiasco all because we base the introduction of our children on a centuries old theory that has statistically been shown to have an accuracy rate of less than 5%. People have far more concern with what technology is predicting could go wrong than genuinely contemplating the miracle that is the human body and it’s wisdom. Now, let’s not get hasty and assume that induction and due dates don’t serve a purpose or have a place in modern day obstetrics. They do, but at what cost?

The rate of labor induction in the US has more than doubled since 1990, and in some cases, nearly tripled according to the CDC. In 1990, the CDC reported that the national induction rate in women who were induced at a gestational age between 37-39 weeks was 7.9; in 2008, the rate skyrocketed to 22.1. As far as women who are term or post-term (40-41 weeks gestation), the rate in 1990 versus 2008, according to the CDC, was 10.7 and 28.1, respectively.  Today nearly one out of every four pregnancies is induced. The trend of inducing labor is one of the countless interventions in the field of obstetrics that has consistently risen in our country. Many doctors will tout that their ability to intervene is the difference between life and death and that without them and their endless tools and brilliance, we would be no better off than third world countries. FACT: The Infant Mortality Rate of The United State was ranked as 55 among the world’s nations by The World Factbook (a publication made through the US government) according to data available thus far in the year 2014. The nations that ranked higher include: Serbia, New Caledonia, Isle of Man, Andorra and Macau. I couldn’t find these places on a map if my life depended on it but these nations are safely delivering and keeping their children alive at better rates than we are in the great county of America. Doesn’t it, for even a second, have you contemplate whether or not technological advances are working for us – or against us?

In 2005, ACOG released their data on a study that determined that inducing first-time mothers was directly associated with an increased risk for C-section: The rate was 12 percent for spontaneous labor, 23.4 percent for medically indicated inductions and 23.8 percent for elective inductions. Studies found in both the Cochrane Database and Canadian Medical Association Journal have shown that babies born to mothers induced with Pitocin were at higher risk for acidosis, lower APGAR scores, increased need for NICU stays, fetal heart abnormalities, early meconium release, neonatal jaundice, retinal hemorrhage, permanent central nervous system damage, respiratory distress and even fetal death.  A systematic review and meta-analysis conducted by Obstetrics and Gynecology reported that there was no statistical significant benefit to babies who were induced at forty-one weeks in terms of perinatal mortality rate, NICU admission, meconium aspiration, meconium below the vocal cords or abnormal APGAR scores.

In case you’re missing the point, we’re not getting worse at going into labor nor are doctors getting any better at determining the spontaneity of birth. The statistics are showing a clear increase in how frequently inductions are being performed but under no circumstance does that mean we as women are inherently growing into an inability to bear children. There are very serious conditions that necessitate an induction and thankfully they exist. However, we are working toward a trend that is enabling a large demographic to trust machines and lose faith in THE EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE.

Does anyone, besides me, feel that women should stop being led to believe that they can’t go into labor without the help of their obstetrician or midwife? We are talking about a day-THE DAY- that should be shrouded in miraculous spontaneity. I believe that we need to move away from the attitudes that our unborn children are pre-packaged material with an expiration date. I imagine that if we had a more positive attitude about the actual process of birth rather than the management of its onset, we would and could drastically change the face of how we are birthing our young in our country and the world. That’s a bold statement but I stand behind it without reservation. The facts about where we are headed and how fast in regards to birth are extreme. Many of us are buying one-way tickets to “the safest birth possible”, and they’re being sold to us by doctors who are punching holes in a process that is inherently natural and safe. If you are a woman, treading water over the uncertainty of when your child will make their debut, let me say to you this: Patience and a confident attitude is a weighty currency when it comes to labor. You can buy yourself a hell of a lot in the world of birth with those two things. You have every right, possibility and honor to create for yourself an event that mirrors a beautiful welcoming for your child. Remember, every good and great thing in due time.   

Starving Our Young: Why Breast IS Best

About six months ago I found myself incredibly perplexed by an article I was reading in Pathways Magazine on the cultural issues surrounding breastfeeding. As the article opened up it recounted the incidence of a mother and her infant trapped in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. After days of being without access to food or clean water, the infant died of dehydration. The mother was eventually admitted to a medical facility only to ask the doctors on staff if they had anything to dry up her milk because she was experiencing breast discomfort. Reading this was heartbreak for me and for more reasons than few. This particular recount was a jarring reminder that some of us have rejected the course of nature to such an extreme that our assumed ignorance can have irreversible consequences. It made me ponder the likely possibility that some of us are blindly being strung into starving our own young.

Most of us have heard the term “BREAST IS BEST”. I have used this slogan in numerous conversations and on avenues to encourage and lift up this awesome act. But for me and many others this isn’t just a three letter sentence, it is a motto that we live by for both ourselves and our young. We view our bodies and their capabilities as the life source for our babies to grow, thrive and function optimally. And this notion isn’t by opinion alone; it’s backed up decades of research. Over the years, journals and publications alike have shown us that when children aren’t breastfeed, they are at increased risk for a myriad of issues including, but not limited to: immunological deficiencies, lower IQ scores, poor digestive function, increased risk of SIDS, ear infections, respiratory issues, vision and nerve dysfunction, metabolism disorders, improper bone development, Chron’s disease, ulcerative colitis, type 1 diabetes, heart disease, and certain cancers. For mom, disobeying the natural act of breastfeeding can contribute to post-labor hemorrhage, an increased risk of metabolic syndromes, heart disease, diabetes, breast, uterine and cervical cancer, osteoporosis, fractures, and rheumatoid arthritis. And we haven’t even touched on the emotional benefits, yet, but let me assure you, they are vast.

In 2011, the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry published literature entitled, “Breastfeeding, Brain Activation to Own Infant Cry, and Maternal Sensitivity “reviewed previous published research and some of their own based on their findings of the differences between mothers who did and did not breastfeed. Their research reported, “Breastfeeding represents a set of maternal behaviors that enhance the emotional bond between mother and infant via close physical contact and affectionate dyadic interactions. Research has demonstrated that breastfeeding may contribute to the development of a range of sensitive maternal behaviors during the early postpartum period. For instance, breastfeeding mothers exhibit more interactive behaviors toward their infants, including touching and gazing, as well as more affectionate responses during feeding at one and three months postpartum in comparison with formula-feeding mothers. Compared with formula-feeding mothers, breastfeeding mothers have increased parasympathetic nervous system modulation, greater vascular stress response, lower perceived stress levels, and fewer depressive symptoms. Such close physical contact and protection from negative mood and stress may contribute to maternal attunement to the infant's physical and mental needs.”

Most people are unaware that the World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding until the age of two. That’s right, world –TWO! Unfortunately, the CDC reported that in 2012, only 25.5% of mothers were still nursing their child after six months. When I have the opportunity to share The WHO’s guidelines for breastfeeding with my patients or friend and family, some people turn their face sour and grimace like I’ve just told them a dirty joke. The reality is that there are very serious implications to not breastfeeding and it’s no laughing matter. So how important is breastfeeding, anyway?

La Leche League International’s national bestseller (and bible of breastfeeding, in my opinion), “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” says this in regards to how important breastfeeding really is: “Extremely! There is almost nothing you can do for your child in his whole life what will affect him both emotionally and physically as profoundly as breastfeeding.” And to think that we’ve got people flinching at the mere thought of a woman breastfeeding her child past the age of six months, or in public, like it’s a rude act of sexuality. Get with the program, ignorant fools!

By now, I’m sure I’ve got some people reading behind their screen, conjuring up some serious feelings of anger towards me for suggestively pushing some assumed portion of judgment on them for not breastfeeding. Let us all get one thing straight before we move on. This blog is a space for ALL THINGS NATURAL, not a place for everyone to gather ‘round and sing kumbaya. I support, give evidence and project my residual opinion, though education and professional experience, all in an effort to make women feel empowered by the fact that we are fierce and unparalleled marvels of human intelligence. There is a difference between being issued the facts and being judged. My aim here is to give ample amount of evidence to allow you to make an informed decision, not to make anyone feel judged by the decisions they make for themselves or their families. I want women to own their bodies and their health, not feel like they’ve been rejected by it.

When it comes to the womanly art of breastfeeding and parenting, are we being manipulated by what society’s projected standard of importance is for a woman and her child or are we striving to become more familiar with how our bodies were designed to perform? Let me lay out for you a conversation I had with one of my close friends, Ashley, earlier this morning via text in regards to baby gifts, in general. I would like to preface this by saying she is neither pregnant nor a mother, but her insight is quite logical:

Ashley: “I can barely afford to get Griswold’s (her dog) nails clipped regularly. All these costs for baby gadgets make my uterus shrivel up in fear.”

Me: “Here’s the thing, though; babies don’t need STUFF. They need breast milk, a clean diaper and to be held. People get so hyper about supplying newborns with all this irrelevant crap. It’s silly.”

Ashley: “That’s what I always think when I see crazy crap! I always think women in other countries still live in huts and carry babies around on their backs. Why do we think they need a [explicit] whale-shaped humidifier with lights and sounds for 80 bucks?!”

The logical (and comical) point of this conversation, coming from a single woman nonetheless, is incredibly relevant to the point I’m trying to make. Women spend countless hours planning baby showers and filling up their registries, painting and furnishing rooms, compiling countless headbands and tutus and worrying about how much weight they are going to gain during a pregnancy. How frequent is it that you hear a woman exhorting as much time and angst over efforts to make sure she is prepared for giving her child something far more valuable than a perfectly painted wall in the nursery? We are doing such a poor job in this country of efficiently educating and properly preparing women for breastfeeding that we’ve got children being starved to death because of our lack of concern for it! Not only are we flat-out failing to identify this very real issue and under-utilize any and every possible resource to mentally and physically engage women to embrace such a natural and normal act for more than a few months, but we downplay it like it doesn’t matter one way or the other. Newsflash: Research has shown time and time again that both mom and baby are at both short and long-term illness and diseases when we don’t breastfeed!

Isn’t it presumable that if the woman who was stuck in the aftermath of a hurricane was a tad bit more privy to her body’s ability to nourish her infant, the child wouldn’t have succumb to death by dehydration? It’s possible. What is also possible is the notion that due to the negative feelings and attitudes about breastfeeding that we have built up over many years, we have inadvertently created a culture that supports, and in some cases even encourages, a standard that is sub-par. Our ignorance is leading to a nation that is essentially starving it’s young.

I personally know a lot of women who have had difficulties breastfeeding but what I’m beginning to realize is that a majority of these women were incredibly under-supported and without resources. It’s not my position to make an assumption as to why breastfeeding wasn’t successful for them but I would like to use their personal experiences, as well as my own, to encourage women that breastfeeding isn’t rocket science.

First and foremost, if you’re a mom, you NEED to own “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding”. This book is an amazing resource and it was truly my go-to when I needed answers. Second, if you are birthing in a hospital, as a part of your birthing plan, DEMAND that you have a lactation consultant visit you multiple times to help latch baby and check for frenulum issues. Third, find a network of mothers who have nursed, preferably ones who has breastfeed multiple children and for long increments. I text and called my mother-in-law countless times during my first few months of being a new mother and she was a huge safety net for me. I have visited a Le Leche League and it was a great outlet for mothers to share struggles and triumphs and I would highly recommend this organization to anyone. Last but not least, and this is going to sound odd, but make sure you are enjoying motherhood. It has been my opinion that mothers who have a lot of anxiety (for any and all reasons) fail at breastfeeding. I won’t get into the hormonal effect cortisol has on oxytocin and milk let-down, but take my word for it.

As with any health advice I give to my patients or friends and family, or here on my blog, I want to encourage you to be exhaustive in your journey to discovering the abilities of your own body. Reading a blog isn’t going to make you the expert on any one issue, but it will hopefully give you the push necessary to seek out and make an informed decision. Let’s help build up women, families and cultures with the importance of nurturing our young with the benefits of breastfeeding. After all, breast is best.

Epidurals: Numbing Us To More Than Just Pain

Our first son, Trigg, was born after a very long 33 hours of labor and when he was given to me, the first thing out of my mouth was, “If I had to do it all over again, I would do it the exact same way”. We were so blessed to have brought him into the world surrounded by support for a natural birth but there were women who told me that I was “crazy” for enduring the pain of labor and if given the option, they would have taken an epidural. When it comes to laboring our babies, are we ignorantly loosening ourselves to the concept of natural birth simply because we believe the pain is too great? What if I told you that the ripple effect of interventions like epidurals are more than just temporary and are numbing us to more than just the pain?

In a survey published in 2006, Listening to Mothers II reported that more than three-quarters of all women surveyed were administered an epidural. In 2008, the CDC reported that over 60 percent of women in the U.S. were administered an epidural, with states like South Carolina having rates as high as 75 percent. And, even though the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists say that no woman should be deprived of pain management during her labor, are doctors doing a poor job of informing women that epidurals have the potential to numb us to more than we think?

An epidural is an injection of an anesthetic into the epidural space around the spine. The drug, which by the way, is typically derived from cocaine, blocks pain signals from nerves and temporarily paralyze the mother from the waist down. Epidurals come with an increased risk of fever, postpartum hemorrhage, breathing difficulties, permanent nerve damage, transient headaches and vertigo and death (among many other side effects, both temporary and permanent). When an epidural is administered, the drug enters the mother’s AND baby’s blood stream within minutes. This synthetic chemical not only puts the mother and baby at greater and more numerous risks but also obliterates the cascade of natural and beneficial hormones the body produces naturally that help ensure a successful labor.

Epidurals significantly lower the mother’s production of oxytocin, which in turn inhibits the mother’s natural response to strongly bond with her infant, successfully breastfeed and be alert post-birth. This bodily chemical is often referred to as the “hormone of love” because of its well-documented ability to promote social and maternal bonding through awareness and attachment. It has a remarkable effect on memory and passage of information through the brain, showing researchers the validity of how this hormone plays a vital role in how women form a strong bond to their young. Furthermore, mothers who were intending to breastfeed pre-birth and were administered epidurals were two times less likely to breastfed and weaned their children far earlier than mothers who had their babies naturally. Researchers have also found that epidurals contribute to maternal-infant effects, including neurobehavioral effects, immunity, and drug toxicity. Studies has suggested that there may be a correlation between women who give birth under the stress and toxicity of interventions like epidurals and the long-term relationship they hold with their child and how that particular child develops socially.

Now, let’s get back to the “crazy” comment that gets torpedoed at the mother who has actively made the choice to not have a cocaine-derived synthetic chemical stabbed in her spine and trust that her body is going to do what is necessary. How is it that when she gets asked about her pregnancy and she shares her plans to have a natural labor she gets weird looks and people get quiet? What kind of message are we sending to mothers who are making natural health care decisions for themselves and their child - choices that are not only a strong personal preference (which a woman is entitled to) but are also backed up by evidence-based practices and research - and we disregard her as a lunatic because our medicalized society believes she should be at the mercy of drugs and surgery.

Modern obstetrics and society continues to undermine our bodies and under support the notion of wholeness out of complete ignorance and disrespect. Today women are being unknowingly cornered into pivotal decisions that are being made for them by medicine at rates so frequent that emergency procedures and interventions with incredible risks have now become the norm. Even more disturbing is the growing inclination that we are more safe and efficient because of modern medicine! WAKE-UP CALL, FOLKS: WE ARE SICKER, FATTER, MORE MEDICATED AND DYING AT RATES HIGER THAN NEARLY ANY INDUSTRIALIZED COUTRY IN THE WORLD. If that statement doesn’t get you thinking outside of your tiny box or get you to take the blinders off, than you better check your pulse.

Before I was even fully aware of the implications of epidurals, I knew I didn’t want one. I’m the type of person who’s been known to wipe off the antiseptic the nurse puts on right before she jabs you with the needle. I’ve learned that people in the hospital are downright terrified of two things: germs and malpractice lawsuits. Because I’m privy to this, I know that as long as I can be quick enough to wipe off the brown liquid, I’ve prolong my chances of getting the needle. With that being said, how in the hell do you think you are going to convince me to put a line in my epidural space. Yeah, no. So, here’s my encouragement to all you beautiful mommies and support teams: PAIN IS GAIN. Let me share with you why this is innately true and how epidurals are for the birds.

Labor is this amazing process of ebb and flow. Your contractions are 3 minutes apart, then they are 10 minutes. You progress from 1 to 7 centimeters in a short amount of time and then you’re stuck at 8. You want to be massaged through contractions, then you threaten someone’s life if they touch you the next time. If you’ve been there, you know what I’m talking about. Labor is meant to be this way because your body is designed to release hormones in increments to specifically combat things like anxiety and pain. Remember our friend oxytocin? This hormone is the superstar in your birth. Not only is it being released through your entire labor as a natural pain killer, but it is the lifeline that gives you the extra oomph you need to push your baby out, allows you optimal bonding time post-birth, is responsible for milk let down and helps the uterus contract back down to size after labor. In other words, the more “pain” the mother perceives and interprets through her labor, the more oxytocin gets released as an aid to her. And oxytocin isn’t the only hormone released during a birth (but we don’t have time or space to discuss in detail the specifics today). How amazing…but some of us are turning off the switch on purpose because of the fear of pain but wait, there‘s more!

It has become increasingly routine that hospitals are administering pitocin to women who aren’t progressing to their standards. Pitocin is another synthetic chemical that tries to take the place of naturally occurring hormones in a laboring woman’s body. However, pitocin makes the contractions of labor not only more frequent, but more intense. Typically, pitocin is administered before an epidural, but by the time pitocin kicks in, mom is climbing the walls asking for relief. Here’s the kicker, ladies. Although our very intelligent doctor is “speeding up” the process by giving you pitocin, the administration of an epidural has been conclusively found to SLOW DOWN LABOR! What the what?!

Seriously. Let’s all take a quick minute and process this scenerio: A mother goes into labor, she is administered pitocin because the natural and healthy ebb and flow of her labor isn’t good enough for Dr. Smith. She is completely beside herself because her contractions are on top of one another, an epidural is administered, which ultimately counterproductive to the first drug that was intravenously injected, her baby is born with the help of her nurse telling her when to push. Then, when it comes time to nurse her child, the hormone that’s responsible for her milk let down has been obliterated and the baby is taken to the nursery to be feed synthetic milk, robbing both the mother and child of vital bonding time and reaping the incredible benefits of being breast fed (you better believe I will be blogging on breast feeding). The next day when she’s discharged, she’s got vertigo and a massive headache which again disrupts her ability to comfortably bond with her infant and … all because we were too ignorant and oblivious to support her desire to have a natural birth. What a crock.

If you are pregnant, let me say to you this: You are in control of the outcome and satisfaction of your birth. If ANYONE is telling you otherwise, you need to switch doctors, midwives, etc (and if I were you, give them a piece of your mind). Statistically speaking, pathological issues that prevent women from having a natural birth happen in less than 10 percent of pregnancies. If we continue to be fed the lie that our bodies aren’t smart enough, strong enough or simply not drugged-up enough to deliver a baby, we are apart of the problem. Be your own advocate, find resources and measure your willingness to obey the process. The greatest source of encouragement in your 28 hour of labor will be YOURSELF, not an epidural - take my word for it. So, make sure you’re prepared, supported and well cared for. Labor is a natural process, let’s learn to trust it, not be numb to it.

Designed to Know

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that Americans made over 1 billion office visits to their physician in 2010. Most of us have faith that these trips will ensure unbiased health care advice that is based on knowledge, experience and best practices. But, what happens when we allow professional recommendations to undermine the potential of the human body, dictate how we heal and recover and ultimately, how we view health as an entity? When it comes to making an informed choice about your health, is somebody else making the decision for us?

There are a great deal of Americans who are reliant on being fed diagnoses, and because of it, our standard of care is based on symptoms and how to treat them rather than how we can allow the body to function properly. The polarity that exists between medicine and obeying natural function has become so extreme that we are now encountering historic rates of over-prescribed drugs to adults and children alike and epidemic instances of people with antibiotic resistant issues.

In 2013, a study published in JAMA International Medicine found "a large discrepancy between numbers of outpatient visits requiring antibiotics and the national prescribing rates for the drugs". Senior author and contributor to this study, Dr. Jeffrey Linder, reported that the prescribing rate for the correct antibiotic [for bronchitis] should be near 0%, yet their research found that the national antibiotic prescribing rate was 73%. Contributing author to this study, Dr. Michael Barnett of Harvard Medical School, says that their findings show that while only 10% of adults with sore throat have strep, the only common cause of sore throat that needs antibiotics, the U.S. national prescribing rate for adults with sore throat has stayed at 60%. Both authors note that the unnecessary prescribing and overuse of antibiotics has led to a surge in super bugs, which is a growing concern not just in America, but internationally. Unfortunately, drugs aren't the only growing issue.

The amount of surgeries preformed in our country is on a sharp rise and has been for nearly two decades. Today, one out of every three women gives birth via cesarean section, although the World Health Organization recommends that the best outcomes for women and babies occur at a rate of around 5%. According to government data, approximately 465,000 spinal fusion surgeries were performed in the U. S. in 2011 and experts reported that a portion as high as 50% were unwarranted. Obstetrics and Gynecology published in 2000 that nearly 70% of hysterectomies are inappropriately performed due to lack of adequate diagnostic evaluation and failure to try alternative treatments before surgery.

In 2011, a study conducted by Healthcare Consumerism and Hospital Quality in America Report reviewed more than 350,000 malpractice claims, of which nearly 29 percent involved a missed, wrong or delayed diagnosis. The study reported that such errors may account for the permanent injury or death of up to 160,000 patients each year, with researchers saying, "it is probably a lot higher than that". Breaking this information down, medical errors (not just wrong diagnoses) are occurring at a rate of 40,000 permanent and/or causes of wrongful death EVERY DAY.

As a doctor with a strong stance on natural health and healing, it has become increasingly easy for me to have visceral reactions to the way I see my patients, family and friends make decisions about care for themselves and their families. This isn’t because my knowledge is infinite and my ideas are superior but because most are making the choice to TREAT INSTEAD OF HEAL. We have been taught to view sickness as a disease and not a natural function of the human body. We bring fevers down with Tylenol when a fever is the body’s natural defense to being invaded by bacteria. We administer epidurals to nearly seven out of ten women in labor although literature has concluded that it is counterproductive to the birthing process. Why are people opting to take an intervention in any form when their bodies don‘t necessitate it in the first place? How enabled has our perception of health become that we are willing to risk our own lives for a “cure”? How diluted have our country’s doctors become that some believe that their years of education outweighs the intelligence our bodies have possessed for eons?

The best advice I can offer to any one person or patient when it comes to making a choice about their (or their family’s) health is this: HEALTH IS A CHOICE. How you decide to treat or heal is almost completely and entirely up to you. When individuals are serious about listening and trusting in their body, the route in which they chose to recover is almost always one that involves succinct and adequate options as well as faithful dedication to their decision. People who believe that health is a choice aren’t unraveled by the fear of a prognosis, they are empowered by the notion that their bodies are smarter than pills and devices. The individual who has made up their mind that it makes more sense to be conservative is not persuaded by the time it takes to recover because they know healing will occur in due time. Sickness is a not a lack of things from the outside, it is a powerful internal process that is necessary to the way we functionally sustain a higher quality of life. 

If you are a woman, you have capabilities that are so astounding that in some cases, we are defying science. Is it too difficult for you to believe that you were designed for health and not engineered to be sick? My encouragement to you for the week is this: consider making health care choices based on healing and not on treatment. Be more concerned with your approach to health than the convenience or the time frame it takes you to get there. When we own the right to make clear and informed decisions, The Extraordinary Machine wavers for no one. She is a monument to intelligence on levels we are still trying to understand. The female body is a comprehensive entity that doesn’t need to be told or directed on how and in what fashion it should heal. It knows because it was designed to know. Health is a choice and the time to make a decision on your own starts today.

Pregnancy is NOT a Disease

When I think of The Extraordinary Machine in its reference to the female body, pregnancy and labor is the ultimate showcase of how truly awesome our bodies are. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people, with women possibly (and ironically) being the largest demographic, who think and act otherwise.

A majority of women in our country go into labor at a hospital which is typically the place where she will find herself attached to monitors and intravenous fluids alike, be administered synthetic chemicals because her labor isn’t progressing as her doctor sees fit, ultimately has an epidural shoved into her spine and is then instructed when to push because she cannot figure it out for herself. When the baby is born, the cord is clamped haphazardly, the baby is taken from his mother prematurely, weighed and measured, washed and prodded, poked with a Vitamin K shot and is then temporarily blinded by erythromycin in the eyes. After numerous interventions, the infant, who has been subsequently drugged via the epidural, is given back to his mother who barely knows up from down. This is the standard for pregnancy and labor in our hospitals and the fact that it doesn’t disturb more women is puzzling to me. But who’s fault is it really?

Currently, there are at least 169 OB/GYN, postpartum and newborn diagnostic codes. These numbers label “issues” like breech presentation, false labor and failure to progress. In other words, these codes are examples of the “problems” the medical field gets to slap on you for insurance purposes when you don’t fit inside their standard of care. Frighteningly enough, there are 101 diagnostic codes to distinguish the location of neoplasms (cancer) and 71 for cardiovascular disease. When it comes to having babies, why has allopathic medicine duped us into believing that pregnancy and labor is more of a disease than a natural process?

According to the CDC, in 2008, women who’s births were attended by a medical doctor in the U.S. were administered epidurals as a form of intervention at a staggering rate of nearly 65%. Additionally, in a 2006 survey of nearly 1,600 women, 86% used pain-killing drugs and nearly 45% of the practitioners present at the time of labor were reported to have tried to induce labor. Recently, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists reported that interventions like induction via oxytocin (pitocin) aren’t as safe for the neonate as we originally thought. The study revealed that the use of pitocin to induce or progress labor has been found to be an independent risk factor for unexpected admission to the NICU lasting more than 24 hours for full-term infants. [Pitocin] also correlated with Apgar scores of fewer than seven at five minutes. But hey, can’t we just assume that with all this monitoring, drugs and surgery we are performing, we can be assured that this is the healthier way to deliver babies?

Even though the United States spends more on health care than any other country in the world, its infant mortality rate ranks equivalent to Poland and worse than Hungary. We are twenty-six among thirty countries ranked by The National Center for Health Statistics. IF YOU MISSED THAT, WE SUCK. If we had a report card and were graded by a percent in relation to the other 30 industrialized countries we are ranked with, we would receive a 13%. That’s like, an F-----. Why is it that we are seemingly convinced that our bodies, with all their infinite wisdom, have the capacity to conceive, develop and carry another being inside of us successfully, but when it comes time to labor, our bodies are stupid, completely insufficient and require interventions?

When was the last time your obstetrician told you that your body is smart enough to actually enlarge its own heart and lungs due to its increased work load, or that your uterus produces upwards of a pint of extra fluid to help protect your baby? Did you know that you produce almost 40% more blood volume to help circulate more red blood cells to carry oxygen around the body during pregnancy? Were you ever reassured that during an undisturbed birth, the hormone oxytocin (the body’s natural pain-killer) is released at astronomical rates, helping make labor sustainable and pain more manageable? How about the fact that beta-endorphins are secreted during labor to help increase your alertness and can actually shift your consciousness to increase your focus if you allow your body the chance at a natural birth? All of these things happen naturally because we are designed to be an Extraordinary Machine, but we continue to rely and electively opt for multiple interventions to make the birthing process quick and painless. In the end, aren’t we really just shorting ourselves?

I could spend a great deal of time discussing statistics and how dangerous interventions completely obliterate the normal and healthy physiologic process of pregnancy and labor but I intend to write future posts on specific interventions like cesarean sections, epidurals and erythromycin. I, however, want to offer to you a few avenues on how to perform like THE EXTRAORDINARY MACHINE:

1. GET A MIDWIFE. This is my number one piece of advice to any and all expecting mothers. Midwives, depending on proper certification, have hospital rights in every state in America. They are trained to do nearly everything an OB/GYN can, including prescribe medications and perform minor surgeries. They statistically spend more time with their patients, personally coach women through their labors and offer safer alternatives to pain management and birthing difficulties. They also have a dramatically higher satisfaction rates with their patients than do obstetricians and osteopaths. I will definitely be dedicating a blog to these wonderful men and women.

2. QUIT UNDERMINING THE PROCESS. I have heard so many women say that they are “trying” for a natural birth. What other kind is there, really? I was in labor for over 33 hours, for which of four I pushed. I was exhausted and disheartened but never was the answer to our situation drugs or surgery. The difference between women who are “trying” for a natural birth and the ones who succeed is this: they have MADE UP THEIR MINDS that their baby is coming naturally, hell or high water (besides for pathological emergencies), because they TRUST and KNOW that BIRTH IS A NATURAL PROCESS.

3. GET EDUCATED. The best place to start is by seeking out women who have had successful natural births and practitioners who support these women. Listen to their stories and allow them to take precedent and high priority on how it is you view birth. In addition, find out what these women are doing differently. It is very typical that this demographic of individuals is cultivating habits that are suppressed by the medical world. Things like avoiding ultrasounds, flu shots and medications during pregnancy, being under the constant care of a chiropractor and keeping a strict exercise regimen. Read books published by midwives and chiropractors instead of osteopaths and medical doctors. They will give you a much better insight into natural child birth and health care options and they rarely utilize fear as leverage to manipulate decisions. I personally recommend "Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering" by Sarah J Buckley and "Birth Matters: A Midwife's Manifesta" by Ina May Gaskin. These books will ROCK. YOUR. WORLD.

Ultimately, the birth you have is almost completely up to you and I would hope you would be fully informed and comfortable with the decision(s) you make. At a later date, I would be honored to share with you the birth story of our first son, Trigg, because it is an awesome testament of The Extraordinary Machine. I would also like to encourage you that having a heightened awareness of the potential of the female body during your pregnancy is powerful and can ultimately give to you the birth that you are entitled to and designed for.

*** Any statistical data I have published can be produced if asked for.